Trying
by LOTRFaith
Summary: Nick must move on from a terrifying past... Spoilers for Overload


_Title: Trying_

_Author: LOTRFaith_

_A/N: This is my first CSI fic... If you see something out of proportion send me a review and I'll change it:-)_

_Disclaimer: Do not own anything of CBS. CSI. Any affliates, chatacters or actors. Lyrics are from Peter Pan - Return to Neverland_

_Spoilers: Overload - Season 2 - You probably need to know what happened to Nick to understand this... But again you might not... _

_Summary: Nick must move on from a terrifying past..._

_CSICSICSICSICSICSICSI_

_I'm not a child now  
I can take care of myself  
I mustn't let them down now  
Mustn't let them see me cry  
I'm fine, I'm fine  
I'm too tired to listen  
I'm too old to believe all these childish stories  
There is not such thing as faith and trust and pixie dust _

"Nicholas Stokes!" Jillian Stokes placed her hands on her hips as she yelled his name up the stairs. Ever the rowdy child, Nick had quite suddenly become quiet and sullen the past few weeks. And while Jillian would like to say she didn't know why, she knew exactly the reason why.

"Nick honey." She sighed as she began to climb the stairs leading to a hallway. "Jonathon was wondering if you would like to go over to his house tonight, he invited a few friends over and they were going down to the diamond for a quick baseball game."

She knocked on the door. "Nick? Did you hear me?"

"Can I stay home mom?" The reply was so quiet that Jillian nearly missed it. "I don't feel well."

"Nick honey, open the door." Jillian knew it was locked. Nick started locking his door every night since the 'incident' had happened.

The lock turned, and Jillian entered. Her heart tugged as she saw her youngest son sitting, shoulders slumped, head down on his bed. His hands were clasped together, trying to keep them from shaking. But it didn't work, it never did.

Jillian sat down. "Oh honey." She whispered, drawing him into her arms. If there was one thing she was thankful for, it was that the babysitter hadn't succeeded in making a wall between Nick and Jillian.

Nick sniffed, trying so hard to hold back the tears. "I can't get them to stop shaking." He whispered, staring at his hands.

Jillian closed her eyes against her own tears, pressing Nick's head to rest against her shoulder. "I know honey. I know."

"I tried mom." Nick's voice broke. "I tried."

_(Chorus)  
I try but it's so hard to believe  
I try but I can't see what you see I try, I try, I try _

"Hey Nick! Come on! You're on first base." Jonathon called out to his younger brother, tossing him a glove in the process.

Nick tried to smile as he slipped on his glove. He loved playing baseball. Everyone knew it, especially Jonathon.

Jonathon had become increasingly worried about his baby brother. No longer did Nick play jokes on everyone. No longer was he always moving around because he couldn't keep still. Rarely did anyone see that wide smile that Nick had patented as his own.

Even when he had brought his girlfriend Kelly to meet the family, Nick had flinched when Kelly had put her hand out. Mom had quickly come behind Nick and put her arms around him.

No, something was simply not right. But it seemed that only Nick, mom and dad knew what was a matter. And none of them were speaking out about it. But that was ok… He was studying to be a lawyer… A prosecutor in fact… He would get the truth… One way or the other…

_My whole world is changing I don't know where to turn  
I can leave you waiting but I can't stay and watch the city burn (oh) watch it burn _

Nick huddled in the corner of his bed, his arms over his knees, staring at the door. He knew that there was no way possible that the babysitter could come in that door. But it didn't stop Nick from fearing that door opening and his babysitter peeking in with that smile. Her long blonde hair coming over her shoulder…

Nick shuddered against the hot Texan night. Jonathon's girlfriend had long hair. Kelly her name was. It wasn't even remotely close to Jill. Jill Robbins.

Nick squeezed his legs tighter as he shivered, his eyes glued on the door.

Clamping his hand over his mouth as someone knocked, he couldn't breath as the door slowly opened.

"Nick?" It was a feminine voice, not his sisters or his mom. It was Kelly, but all Nick could see was the long blonde hair splayed against the light from the hallway.

Despite himself, Nick let out a terrified cry, jumping out of the bed and ran into his closet, slamming the door shut.

"Nick!" Kelly stood shocked at the terrified reaction, her hand holding Nick's glove he had forgotten at the park.

She was shoved aside by Bill Stokes, alarm clearly written on his face. "Nick?"

"I'm sorry." Kelly stuttered out. "I was just returning Nick's glove." She looked around. "I'm sorry. I didn't know."

Mr. Stokesl turned with a smile pasted on his face. "It's alright Kelly." He reassured. "Nick's just a little jumpy."

Kelly looked at the closet door, she could see a few paint chips where Nick's fingernails had torn off the paint. "I'm sorry." She said again, setting the glove down and quietly leaving. She heard the door shut behind her and then Mr. Stokes calling out Nick's name.

She turned at the top of the stairs. Maybe Jonathon knew what was going on.

_(Chorus)  
Cause, I try but it's so hard to believe  
I try but I can't see what you see I try, I try, I try _

"Nick, it's dad." Bill Stokes made no attempt to pry the door open. He knew the consequences of that mistake. "It's safe now."

He could hear the sobs coming from the closet. He closed his eyes, hanging his head. He had failed as a father to protect his son when he needed it the most.

"Nick?" His voice cracked, inwardly cursing, Bill moved back yet a few more feet to sit on Nick's school desk chair.

After a few moments the door slowly opened and Nick slowly came out. His face was white, yet his eyes were swollen and red. He looked like an orphan.

Bill crushed his son to his chest as Nick sobbed out his fear. "I'm here Nick." He whispered in his son's ear. "I'm here."

"I'm sorry." Nick sobbed. "I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry."

"No Nick." Bill held Nick out to see his son's face. "It's not your fault. It's not your fault."

"I try." Nick sobbed. "But I can't do it. I can't do it."

Bill crushed his son back to his son. "I know son." He raised his eyes to the ceiling, begging God to help his hurting son. "That's why I'm here. That's why your mom is here. We're here to help you."

"We're here to help you." He said again.

_I try and try to understand the distance in between the love I feel,  
the things I fear and every single dream _

"Umm Kelly?" Nick swallowed, forcing himself to inch forward closer towards Jonathon's girlfriend.

Kelly smiled, a genuine smile. "Yes Nick?"

Nick took a deep breath. "Thanks… For bringing my glove back."

Kelly nodded. "Sure Nick." She replied softly. She carefully held out her hand. "Jonathon and I are going down to Dairy Queen. You want to come?"

Nick's jaw clenched as he stared at her hand. Battling inner demons, he shakily raised his hand and grasped hers. He took a deep breath then looked up at Kelly.

She smiled at him.

And Nick smiled back.

_I can finally see it  
Now I have to believe all those precious stories  
The whole world is made of faith and trust and pixie dust _

A year and a half later Nick was the best man at his brother's wedding. He escorted Kelly's sister down the lane.

Her name?

Jill.

_So I'll try because I finally believe  
I'll try because I can see what you see  
I'll try, I'll try_

_The End_


End file.
